I’ve Got A Kronic Headache

I’ve got a kronic

I can no longer see —
or feel my freedom

I am caught and tethered in the
stale dry molasses of a
nanny state

My development is
arrested by the forces
of coercion

It may be wise to
ban something that
erodes good health
and promotes a selfish self
and leads to fun, even
if it makes you feel good for a while,
for you can never guess where it might take you, it
might take you to 100% happiness, it
might take you to an early grave,
it might take you to dystopia, it might invigorate
your myopia

But while we’re on it, while my
kronic smokes its way into my
illegal smile, let’s get real, let’s:

ban all alcohol
ban all nicotine
ban all bad drivers
ban god
ban families
ban sexual intercourse, especially with horses
because you might break your back
ban amphetamines and
analgesics and
dopamine and
impregnation and
fertilisation and

They might kill you, or make you sick

Ban the bomb, ban
a walk in the park
after dark —
a squirrel might bite your arse

Ban conversation — a
difference of opinion
might lead to homicide or even, regicide

Ban touching yourself,
you might go blind
and walk in front
of a bus and —
that might kill you

Ban kissing cows, you
might get mad cow
disease, especially if
you tongue kiss

Ban kissing flying foxes, especially
if you are a race horse

Ban diarrhoea, I no
longer enjoy gastrointestinal contortions or —
being caught with my
pants down in some inconvenient laneway

Ban dysmenorrhoea, it’s
no fun being periodically painful

Ban stamps, there might be arsenic
where you lick the sticky bits

Ban gazing into your
lover’s eyes, you
might see their
hidden agenda and —
hang yourself

I wish this kronic ache
would go away —
it’s made my day

Allan Padgett (Western Australia)

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