Anxiety (sorry if it's too long)

I understand people's misunderstanding on anxiety
it's not a visible illness
I only cough when it hits peak
I only vomit when it passes peak
surrounded by people proclaiming
‘weak’
I understand that they don't understand
anxiety is feeling fingers in your stomach
softly plucking at rotten butterflies
knowing there's a knife at your throat
so if you fall…
but when you turn around there's no one
not even your friends
I get it that lots of people don't get it
don't know that getting out of bed
is a struggle
I'm sorry that you judge my scars
from when medieval curses
were the only thing possible
bleeding out demons like a mad woman
it's okay that you don't see
that it's not the same as when you are walking
down a dark alley and you feel anxious
we bring the knife to our throats everywhere
we walk on tightrope every day.


Alexia Biddle (Western Australia)